Watch the Butterflies Fall
by Mnemosyne's Elegy
Summary: This time it wasn't Natsu who was holding the book when it transported the team to a day one of them didn't want to remember. Now the team gets to see the day that started Gray on his journey to who he is today, and they can't change a thing, even if it kills them to just sit back and watch.


**Note:** **Since people are asking, this is based off OVA 3, "Memory Days". When I refer to the team having been sucked into the past before, when Natsu was holding the book, I'm referring to that OVA.**

* * *

Natsu glanced around the guild hall and scowled faintly. Something—or rather some _one_ —was missing. Grumbling to himself, he headed over to the bar and leaned over the counter to get Mira's attention.

"Hey Mira, have you seen Gray?"

Mira gave him a faintly suspicious look. "Why?" she asked warily. "You aren't going to pick a fight with him, are you? He's been looking a little out of sorts today."

"Fight?" Erza asked, suddenly materializing beside Natsu like magic. "I sure hope you aren't planning on starting a fight, Natsu."

He rolled his eyes at the requip mage and then nodded slightly to Lucy as the blonde sauntered over as well.

"No," he said with a sigh. "I'm hardly going to start a fight with him when he's so upset, am I? I just haven't seen him for a while and I want to make sure he's not off moping around again."

"Upset?" Lucy asked doubtfully. "He seemed a little distracted this morning, but I'd hardly call it upset."

Natsu threw her a disbelieving look and shook his head. _He_ was supposed to be the unobservant one here. "Have you looked at his eyes lately? He's not going to come out and say that he's upset 'cause he'd rather pull out his teeth first, but you can usually tell if you look at his eyes."

The girls all stared at him in various stages of surprise and disbelief.

"I never realized that you could be so observant," Mira said finally.

Natsu just shrugged. He and Gray weren't so good at the whole talking thing, so over the years they had gradually learned how to read subtle cues in each other's body language and behavior so that they could tell what the other was feeling. Maybe 'upset' was a kind of strong word for Gray's current state, but something had definitely been bothering him for the past few days. It had started off so subtle as to be almost imperceptible, but Gray's tension and gloominess had been gradually increasing. Natsu wasn't overly worried, but he thought it prudent to keep an eye on his friend nonetheless.

Lucy opened her mouth to say something else, but before she could get a word out, a disgruntled Happy flew over and flopped down on the bar.

"Didn't find him?" Natsu asked with a sigh.

"No," Happy admitted. Once the Exceed had realized that Natsu was looking for Gray, he'd volunteered to do a quick sweep of the city since the ice mage was prone to wandering the streets when he was thinking or unhappy, and to go check his apartment one more time.

"I know where he is," Mira volunteered. All sets of eyes swung to her. "You promise you aren't going to just start a fight?"

Natsu scowled. Hadn't he already said that?

"This isn't the kind of upset that a fight can fix," he replied irritably. "If it was then I might do it, but like I said, I'm not looking for a fight right now."

"Fix?" Lucy asked uncertainly.

Natsu stared at her blankly for a moment, before rolling his eyes. He knew that the dynamics of his friendship with Gray could be a little incomprehensible at times, but he had thought that perhaps they would have started becoming a little clearer by now.

"Sure," he answered. "There are different kinds of fights, you know. There's the 'I just really want to annoy you' fights, the 'I'm really bored' fights, the 'let's have fun' fights, the 'I'm mad at you so let's settle this with our fists' fights, the 'you really need to relieve some tension' fights, the 'you're sad and you need to distract yourself' fights, et cetera. But you have to know when the right time for fights is, because there are different kinds of upset too. Some kinds you absolutely do not want to handle with a fight or you'll just make things worse.

"Right now he's not so upset that fighting would push him over the edge and make things worse, but it's also not the kind of upset where he just needs to let out stress. It's the more subtle kind where something has been bothering him on and off for a few days and he'd rather run off on his own and brood over it."

He wondered how it was possible that the girls could look even more disconcerted.

"I didn't realize it was so complicated," Lucy remarked slowly, shaking her head in disbelief.

Natsu rolled his eyes again and then raised an eyebrow at Happy. "They think I'm a simpleton," he complained to the Exceed.

"Well…"

"Traitor."

It occurred to him that they were getting off topic here, but luckily Erza seemed a little less distracted than the rest of them.

"Why is he unhappy when his birthday is coming up in a few days?" she asked with a faint frown. "He should be happy. Birthdays are exciting."

"Oh man, his birthday really _is_ coming up, isn't it?" Natsu groaned, instantly distracted again. He turned frantic eyes on Happy. "We haven't gotten him a gift yet!"

Happy smiled back smugly. "Maybe _you_ haven't," the Exceed purred in satisfaction, "but _I_ have."

Natsu stared at him blankly, and then scowled again. "Fish don't count!" he protested. "I told you, you can't just keep giving people fish as gifts."

"And why not?" Happy huffed indignantly. "Fish are good. I give my friends fish."

Natsu let out a breath, wondering why he still bothered trying to get Happy to change his ways. It hadn't worked in years.

"Okay, so maybe giving your cat friends fish is alright, but your human friends don't want fish," he explained, trying to be patient.

"Gray says he likes my fish," the little cat said sulkily. "He said it was very nice of me to catch a fish for him and that it was a very thoughtful gift."

Natsu rolled his eyes. "He was just trying not to hurt your feelings. He probably throws the fish away as soon as he gets to his apartment."

"That's mean!" Happy wailed, looking terribly offended. "Take it back! Gray wouldn't do that."

Natsu just shrugged and opened his mouth to reply, but Erza cut him off. "Are you two going to bicker all day?" she asked irritably. "Didn't you want to find Gray?"

Suddenly repentant, Natsu shuffled his feet sheepishly, mentally berating himself for getting off track again. "Uh, yeah." He looked back over at Mira. "So, will you tell us where he is?"

Mira had been watching Natsu and Happy with amusement, but she sobered a little as the conversation got back on topic. "Levy was talking about finding some book in the guild's storeroom—I guess she was doing research for some new project of hers?—and Gray volunteered to help her search for it," she explained. "I haven't seen him come out since then, so I guess he's still back there."

"Great," Natsu said cheerfully. "Thanks, Mira."

He turned away from the bar, but before he had gotten more than a couple steps, Gray appeared in the doorway of the backroom. After glancing around, Gray's eyes settled on the team and he headed over to them.

"Hey, guess what I–" he started, before Happy launched himself at his chest. Gray grunted in surprise and wrapped one arm around the distraught Exceed, although his other hand was occupied holding a thick book. "Are you alright?" he asked, peering down at Happy with concern.

"Natsu says that you don't like my fish and you just say that you do because you're trying to be nice!" the Exceed wailed. "Is it true? Am I bad friend because I get you fish for your birthday?"

Natsu facepalmed and groaned. Gray blinked at Happy in faint bewilderment.

"Why would you be a bad friend?" he asked slowly. He shook his head. "Of course I appreciate the fish you catch for me."

"So you don't throw them away as soon as you get home?" Happy asked, looking up at him with teary eyes.

Gray let out a breath and dropped the Exceed gently onto the bar's counter so that he could ruffle the little cat's fur with his free hand.

"Of course not," he answered with a fond half-smile. "You should know better than to listen to that flame-brained idiot by now." He shot Natsu a hard look that clearly said _'what the hell did you do that for?'_ before returning his attention to Happy. "If you want proof, then why don't you catch me a couple extra fish this year and I'll cook them up like I normally do, and you can eat them with me. How's that sound?"

Happy sniffled. "Okay," he said. "That sounds good."

Gray smiled crookedly. "It's not so much about what the gift is, you know. I like your fish because you take the time to catch them for me and because you put your heart into it. You're a good friend and that's the best gift you've given me, yeah?"

Happy's eyes filled with tears again and he rubbed at them with his little blue paws. "They still taste better raw," he said in a small voice.

Gray blinked at him for a second before laughing. Reassured that the crisis was averted, he turned back to the others. "So, like I was saying, guess what I found in the storeroom?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Natsu grumbled distractedly.

He was studying Gray's face carefully, deciding exactly how out of sorts his friend was now. There was obviously something still bothering him and something faintly sad lurked in his eyes, but Gray seemed to be in better spirits than he had been earlier.

"The book you're holding?" Lucy suggested dryly.

"Yeah, but wait until you see what book it is," Gray said, his good humor fading a little.

Natsu had already lost interest. Books were boring.

"Who cares about a dusty old book?" he muttered.

Gray scowled at him, but held up the book so that the others could see its cover. The title was _Memory Days_. Natsu frowned a little, wondering why that seemed vaguely familiar. It shouldn't—he never paid attention to dumb things like books.

"Hey, isn't that that time-traveling book?" Lucy asked suddenly, leaning forward to get a better look.

Now _that_ caught Natsu's attention. He looked at it more closely as well, trying to remember if this was the book they had stumbled across several months ago while being forced to clean the storeroom. That book really _had_ transported them back in time, if he recalled correctly.

"Didn't it disappear?" Erza asked, her eyes narrowing.

Gray nodded, his gaze dropping to rest contemplatively on the book's cover. "Yeah, it disappeared when we got back to our time and we never found it again. But I was helping Levy look for a book in the storeroom, and I just stumbled across this. I thought it was a bad idea to leave it there where someone else might get into trouble with it."

"We should report it to the master and let him decide what should be done with it," Erza agreed with a sharp nod. "This isn't a toy and it shouldn't be left lying around."

By this point, Natsu was very interested. Okay, so last time the book had taken them back to a time when he had lost to Gray—he still cringed thinking about it—and he'd scared the crap out of his younger self. But still, here was something that could take them to the past! They could go back and see things that no longer existed—because Natsu had always been a tad bit too good at destroying things—and laugh at themselves as kids and mess around with the time stream a little. What didn't sound fun about messing with the past? Erza was just being a spoilsport. Natsu thought that this discovery could be a lot of fun.

"Hey, why don't we use it again first?" he asked excitedly, bouncing up and down on his heels as he stared at the book with shining eyes.

"You're such an idiot, flame brain," Gray grumbled. "Let's just leave it alone."

"You're no fun," Natsu complained. "If you don't want to use it then give it here!"

"No."

Natsu didn't want to take no for an answer. He thought this whole thing could be a grand adventure, and the guild had been pretty boring the past few days. Besides, maybe it would do Gray some good and give him something to distract himself with. So instead of giving in and conceding defeat, Natsu lunged for Gray, grabbing on to the book in the startled ice mage's hands.

"Natsu!" Gray yelped, tightening his grip on the book as he tried to tug it back away from the dragon slayer. "Let go!"

"Oh, come on," Natsu grunted, still wrestling with his friend. "Let me see it."

"No!"

The two friends struggled for a few seconds, Natsu wanting to hurry up and get the book away from Gray before Erza entered the mix. He finally managed to hook a foot around one of Gray's legs, sending him tumbling to the ground. Sadly, Natsu lost his hold on the book in the process, as well as his balance, and toppled over too. The book flew from Gray's hands and hit the floor with a resounding crack, its pages flying open. Gray cursed and reached for it, his fingers brushing against the pages just as the telltale flare of magic shot up around the tome.

"Shit!" Erza hissed. "What have you done, Natsu?"

Gray tried to pull away from the book, but the panicked look in his eyes told Natsu that he already realized it was too late now that the magic had been activated. As for Natsu…Well, he had gotten what he wanted and there was no way Gray was going back to the past without him, so he scrambled halfway to his feet and lunged for his friend, reaching out to touch him. He saw a blur of motion out of the corner of his eye as Erza, Lucy, and Happy had the same idea and hurriedly raced to grab on to Gray.

Then there was a blinding flash of light, and the next thing Natsu knew, he was sprawled on the ground.

"Ugh," he grunted, shaking his head to clear it. He sat up, peered around, and scrambled to his feet. "Where are we?"

Beside him the others were getting to their feet as well, also looking about with various degrees of confusion and surprise.

"Well, I don't think we're in Magnolia anymore," Lucy said slowly, stating the obvious.

No, it certainly wasn't Magnolia. It was a different city entirely—one that Natsu didn't recognize. He thought he could make out the lights of some quaint shops and more industrial buildings in the distance, but they had shown up on a residential street lined with little houses. There was a light dusting of snow covering the ground and buildings, and twilight had long since faded into night.

"Impossible," Gray muttered.

He was staring at the city with wide eyes, a mixture of disbelief and something Natsu couldn't read etched on his face. He slowly spun around in a circle, his eyes taking in every detail with a strangely hungry, nostalgic intensity.

"Gray?" Lucy asked. "Where are we?"

It occurred to Natsu that since Gray had been the one touching the book when the magic was activated, they must have gotten sucked back to a time in his past. Huh. Maybe it could be a good thing.

"This is my hometown," Gray said slowly, still distracted by his surroundings. "It doesn't exist anymore. It was never rebuilt after Deliora…"

Natsu automatically winced, but then decided to look on the bright side. This was a place that Gray hadn't seen in years and would never be able to see again once the magic wore off. Sure, it would be a little nostalgic and might stir up some bad memories, but it might also remind him of all the good memories too. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Natsu noticed that Erza had picked up the book and tucked it safely away, and was now glowering over at him. He gulped loudly.

"I hope you know that you're in big trouble," the requip mage growled. "But for now… Just remember not to interfere with this time too much. Don't do anything stupid until we can go back."

Erza wasn't going to beat him to a pulp right here? Natsu could hardly believe his luck, and he wanted to cause a distraction before she changed her mind.

"Hey Gray, where's your house?" he asked cheerfully.

"Huh?" Gray was startled out of his thoughts at Natsu's question, and blinked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment before finally pointing at a house a short way down the street. "That one," he said dully.

"C'mon, Happy! Let's go see!" Natsu said excitedly, grabbing on to Lucy's hand to tug her along as Happy flew along beside him.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Erza repeated, following behind them.

The little group of friends paused outside the house Gray had indicated. Moving around the side of the building, they found a large window and peered inside curiously. The window opened into the kitchen, and Natsu sucked in a surprised breath. There was a younger Gray sitting at the table—so young that Natsu hadn't even met him yet at this point—and a couple that must be his parents stood beside him.

It seemed to be a merry little gathering. Everyone was laughing and Gray looked awfully happy, his face more open and innocent than Natsu had ever seen it. A large cake sat on the table in front of him, with a handful of lit candles jammed into its surface.

"Make a wish!" Gray's mother said with a fond smile, her voice muffled through the glass.

Little Gray said something, but the glass smothered it too much for Natsu to make it out. Whatever it was, it made his parents laugh. Then he leaned forward and blew out the candles, a contented smile on his face.

"Aw!" Lucy cooed. "You're so cute, Gray! And it's your birthday too!"

" _What?_ "

Natsu turned with a frown, startled by the sudden sharpness in Gray's voice. The ice mage had been following at a much slower pace since he had still been gazing at the city in awe, but now he had frozen in place and was staring at his friends. Shock and pain suddenly twisted his features, and his face had gone almost completely white. Natsu wondered what was wrong.

"Did you say birthday?" Gray asked hoarsely.

"Yeah," Lucy replied, glancing back in confusion. "Why is–?"

She broke off in surprise as Gray suddenly lunged into action, almost running in his haste to reach them. He didn't even give them a second glance as he paused at a spot to the side of the window and cautiously peered inside. His eyes widened.

"Oh shit," he breathed. "Shit. We need to get out of here right now."

"Why?" Erza asked, looking torn between bewilderment and concern at Gray's sudden panic.

Gray didn't look at them, his eyes still fixed on the scene in his house. "Because Deliora is going to come tearing through here any minute now," he said, his voice strangely flat.

The world seemed to grind to a halt.

"What?" Lucy whispered. "No…"

"But it's your birthday," Natsu said stupidly.

"Yes," Gray agreed absently, his attention still drawn to the people from his past as he stared at his parents wistfully.

"But–"

"We need to go." He finally tore his gaze away from the window and turned around, scanning their surroundings frantically. Natsu didn't know what he was looking for, but after a moment Gray's eyes stopped their desperate search.

"There," Gray said, pointing to where a tall ridge rose up a little outside the city. "We can go up the hill to stay out of the demon's way. This entire city is going to be annihilated, but I don't think Deliora bothered with the hill. Come on."

He glanced back through the window, his eyes pained and sad as he took one last look at his parents, and then turned away abruptly to head for the hill. He moved quickly, and the others followed him in somewhat of a daze.

"What the hell happened?" Natsu asked absently as he followed Gray, trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

Erza still looked horrified by Gray's revelation, but she managed to summon up some irritation for Natsu's benefit. "Don't tell me that you've forgotten what this book does," she grumbled.

Natsu stared at her blankly. "Time travel," he said, not understanding what she was getting at.

"Well yes, but don't you remember what happened last time? It takes you to a time you don't want to remember. Last time you were trying not to think about how you had gotten your scar when the book's magic activated, so we were taken back to that time."

Natsu pondered that in silence as the group of friends broke free of the city limits and started walking quickly towards the base of the hill. The book took them back to a time they didn't want to remember? He had forgotten that part. His eyes widened as he put the pieces together.

"I forgot that," he said, horrified. He turned to Gray. "Your birthday is coming up. So what's been bothering you for the past few days…"

If Gray had been thinking about Deliora killing his family when the book's magic had activated, that would explain why they were here now.

"Is it that obvious?" Gray asked, his face pale and drawn. Then he shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much. It's not usually so bad anymore. I don't know why it was bothering me more than usual this year."

"You never told us that your birthday was when…" Erza trailed off, as if afraid to finish her statement.

Gray shrugged and fixed his eyes on the ground. "I didn't think it mattered that much."

"But if you told us then maybe we could have helped," Erza replied quietly.

Lucy nodded. "Instead of just throwing parties. You should have just said that you didn't feel like celebrating."

"I wouldn't have just gotten you fish," Happy said sadly.

Gray laughed breathily, although it was brittle and pained at the edges. "Idiots," he murmured. "You already help. I don't need parties and gifts, but I don't need pity either. It's enough just to see you all happy. All I need is to be reminded that I'm not alone anymore, that you guys are still here even though my other families aren't. I just…I just want to see you happy. That's enough. It's enough."

"Gray…" Erza started, her voice wavering.

Gray just shook his head slightly and sped up, staring at the ground again as he hiked up the rocky hillside.

"I'm so sorry," Natsu breathed finally, the weight of what he had done settling over him. "I didn't realize…"

Gray paused for a second and looked back. He tried smiling to show Natsu that he wasn't angry, but it was strained and unhappy.

"It's okay," he said, although he sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as the dragon slayer. "It's okay."

Natsu almost wished that Gray would just be angry at him, because this was his fault and he'd rather see his friend be almost anything instead of sad. He had just wanted to have a little fun messing around in the past, but he had forgotten the crucial detail that the magic only worked on memories they didn't want to remember. He had wanted to distract Gray and make things better, but he had only made everything a thousand times worse.

A rumbling roar sliced through the air, making the hair on Natsu's arms stand on end. He'd only heard it once before, on Galuna Island, but he still remembered it. Gray's head whipped around so that he could look in the direction the sound had come from.

"It's here," he breathed fearfully.

He started back up the hill, but in leaps and bounds this time, moving much faster than before. The others scrambled after him, although they had difficulty keeping up. Gray didn't pause until he had reached the top, where he stopped and looked down at the city silhouetted against the night. Deliora had just reached the opposite end of the city, and its lumbering form was a terrifying shadow against the sky until the demon started tearing into buildings and caused a fire to spring up. It was even more frightening to behold with tongues of flame licking up about it, casting dancing shadows across its body.

Gray stared at the scene as if transfixed, but displayed far less emotion than Natsu would have expected. It occurred to him that Gray hadn't started running because he was scared of the demon, but because he felt the need to watch the destruction of his home from the very beginning.

"There's another city nearby," he said dully. "We might be able to go there to wait this out until the magic lets up."

Despite his words, Gray didn't make any move to leave. He remained tense and still, watching the demon's rampage with unblinking eyes.

"How long does the book's magic last?" Happy asked, twisting his paws together anxiously.

"Six hours, I think," Erza replied. Then her eyes widened in horror. "Oh God, we'll have to watch this for six hours."

Gray shook his head slightly. "The demon will only take maybe half that," he said absently, still distracted by the scene playing out before them.

"It destroyed a city this big in only a few hours?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Gray said shortly.

Natsu edged up beside Gray and watched mutely as the horror unfolded. Deliora had been a frightening beast on Galuna, but it didn't compare to now, when it was at the peak of its power and could tear through an entire city like it was made of paper. Natsu was starting to understand exactly why Gray had been so insistent that there was no way to fight and defeat it without iced shell.

The hill they were standing on was far enough removed from the city to give them a sort of bird's eye view of what was going on, but it wasn't so far that they couldn't hear the screams starting up. Little shadowy figures could be seen running around in panic as the demon crashed through their midst, and their cries rent the air and made the watching mages flinch.

Natsu shuddered and tore his eyes away from Deliora. Using his keen eyesight, he picked out where he thought Gray's house was on the other side of the city. Then he looked back, to see that the demon was headed in that general direction, leaving a trail of destruction and death in its wake. He grimaced. Could he really just stand here and watch as Deliora killed thousands of people, including Gray's family?

His hands clenched into fists. He had wanted to play around with the past and change it, hadn't he? If he had to pick one thing to change, this would be right near the top of the list. He couldn't bear to just stand here and do nothing.

"Screw this," he growled, starting forward. "I'm going to go kill the demon."

He was prepared for Erza to protest, but surprisingly it was Gray who lunged forward and grabbed Natsu's arm, tugging him back again.

"Stop," the ice mage said tightly.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing," Natsu protested, his voice brittle.

"What, do you think that _I_ want to stand here and watch it happen and not try to fix it?" Gray asked, pain flaring in his eyes as he stared at Natsu.

"Well then, let's–"

"We can't change anything!" Gray interrupted, his voice rising slightly. "Don't you see? If Deliora doesn't destroy my home and kill my family, Ur and Lyon will never find me and take me in. If they never find me, I'll never learn magic. If I never learn magic, I'll never be able to go running off on a fool's quest to get revenge on Deliora. If I never try to kill Deliora, Ur won't die using iced shell. If Ur doesn't die, I won't ever join Fairy Tail. If I don't join Fairy Tail, I'll never meet you.

"If I never meet you… God knows what would happen, Natsu. We've done so much together in all the years we've known each other. We've all saved each other's lives several times, we've saved other people's lives too many times to count, and we've stopped so many dark guilds and lunatics that planned on doing terrible things. Imagine how many people's lives could be affected! Who knows what would happen? Deliora impacted a lot of people's lives, both directly and indirectly. If you take it out of the equation, things would change so much.

"This isn't about me. It isn't about whether or not I would be better off if we charged down there right now and killed the demon. Don't you see how much bigger than me this is?"

Gray had been getting more and more agitated throughout his speech, but towards the end he began to taper off, his voice getting quieter. He finally released Natsu's arm and let his hand drop back to his side.

"This already happened, Natsu," Gray said softly, turning away from him to watch Deliora tear his home apart again. "It's not just another fight for you to try to win. It already happened. We can't change anything."

Natsu let out a shuddering breath and his hands slowly unclenched so that his fingers could dangle limply by his sides. He knew that Gray was right, even if he didn't want to accept it. He still didn't fully understand what consequences could actually come from messing with the past since the whole concept confused him and the bewildering effects of their last time-traveling jaunt hadn't really helped clear anything up, but he did understand that his world would be next to unrecognizable if Deliora had never killed Gray's family.

"I'd like nothing more than to go running down there to fight the demon," Erza said quietly, "but he's right."

To be honest, the requip mage looked like she was seconds away from pulling a Natsu and doing something stupid, her body radiating tension as she watched Deliora's killing spree. Lucy was crying silently, and even Happy was sniffling loudly. Oddly enough, it was Gray who seemed the most impassive of them all. He must be close to breaking down, but little of that showed on his face. His body was tense and his face drawn, but he wasn't crying and he was strangely expressionless. It made Natsu think that the strain would get to be too much for him soon.

But he didn't crack and no one seemed to be able to overcome their horror in order to speak—what could they really say about this?—so they all stood in silence and watched Gray's world burn. Gray had been standing so still for the past several minutes that it immediately caught Natsu's attention when he twitched slightly.

At first he wasn't quite sure what Gray was looking at, but then he winced as the little figures of Gray and his parents were illuminated in the firelight. Natsu made a slight noise in the back of his throat. It wasn't very loud, but it caught the others' attention and they saw what the two friends were looking at as well. Lucy let out a shaky breath and leaned against Natsu, Happy clutched in her arms. Erza edged closer to Gray but didn't touch him, instead leaving it up to him whether or not to seek comfort.

Gray chose not to.

It was easy to lose Gray's family in all the confusion, but it was impossible not to notice the demon come tearing through the crowd, sending bodies flying everywhere. Someone that might have been Gray's father—Natsu couldn't be quite sure because there were just too many people, but he thought that it might be—was thrown to the side as Deliora slashed at him. Gray let out a shaky breath so Natsu thought that he might have been right, although he wasn't sure if Gray was able to keep track of the individual people either.

A shrill cry pierced the air for a moment before blending in with the other screams. Natsu wanted to say that it was Gray's past self, but he couldn't say that with any sense of certainty and he figured that he probably imagined it because he was looking so hard for Gray and his family. A few more little figures were tossed around, and a child-sized one stumbled to the side just as the demon's tail swung about and knocked over a nearby building. The child was lost under the rubble.

Natsu almost dismissed it so that he could continue searching for Gray, but he couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the collapsed building.

"Oh my gosh, was that–?"

"Yes," Gray said flatly, still staring down at the city expressionlessly. "That was me. My parents are dead by now then."

Natsu grimaced. A grief-stricken look flashed over Erza's face and she moved to hook her arm around Gray's and lean into him. Gray didn't look over at her, but he tugged his arm away and instead wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her closer. It was a little odd because it ended up looking like he was comforting her instead of the other way around, but Erza didn't protest. She just huddled into Gray's side and stared at the demon in horror. Maybe she did need some comforting after all.

Apparently Lucy did too, because she pressed herself closer to Natsu. He wrapped an arm around her as well. Honestly, they could probably all use some comforting, because watching this was a horrifying experience and he knew that they were all aching for Gray.

No one dared break the heavy silence that shrouded the hilltop. It seemed almost sacrilegious to speak. They stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity, watching Deliora rip the city apart. The victims' cries began slowly dying out until only the crackling of flames and roars of the demon could be heard. Eventually, after what seemed like hours, the demon finally began lumbering away, apparently satisfied that it had destroyed everything worth destroying.

They stayed quiet until the demon finally— _finally_ —disappeared from view, leaving the city in dead silence. Aside from the leaping flames, nothing moved. It was like nothing was left.

"Well," Gray said finally, "it's over. And I'm sure we're going to be stuck here for a couple more hours. Nothing really happens after this point, and I'm stuck under a building so I don't do much. It's going to be a boring few hours."

"Just how long were you trapped under there?" Erza asked, wincing.

Gray shrugged indifferently. "Don't know. I was in and out for a while so time didn't have a whole lot of meaning. I'd say it was probably a few hours though."

"That's terrible!" Lucy said tearfully. "It looks so painful. Can't we just go dig you out? I mean, if you're unconscious then you'd never even know, right?"

Gray was already shaking his head, even though he kept studying the city with an almost clinical detachment. "We can't change anything," he said again. "Besides, this has already happened, remember? I already survived it. And in any case, I probably could have wriggled out if I really wanted to."

"Why wouldn't you want to?" Happy asked uncertainly.

"I just watched a demon kill my family and friends and destroy my home," Gray replied dryly, glancing over and arching an eyebrow. "I had nothing left and there wasn't really much point to escaping. What was I going to do afterward? No, I didn't see much point in getting out, but Ur and Lyon will come by here eventually and dig me out, and things will go from there."

They all stared at him in horror.

"That's terrible," Lucy whispered again.

Gray shrugged, apparently unconcerned, and turned his flat gaze back to the ruined city. "I suppose we could go walk to the neighboring city instead of waiting here the whole time," he said, instead of answering.

But he still didn't seem inclined to leave and no one else looked like they were in any state to move either, so they just stood there. After a few minutes, Lucy leaned in even closer to Natsu so that she could whisper in his ear quietly enough that Gray wouldn't hear her.

"I don't understand," she whispered. "How is he so calm? I mean, I know that he must be really upset, but he seems so unaffected."

Natsu blinked down at her in surprise. "Is that really what you think?" he asked curiously, keeping his voice low. He didn't think that Gray could make out what they were saying, but it didn't seem to matter much anyway, since he didn't seem at all interested in whatever they were whispering about. "He's barely keeping it together. I'm just waiting for him to fall apart."

Although Gray outwardly appeared calm, Natsu knew him well enough to see the tension and pain and grief lurking under the surface. Gray was being very careful to keep himself under control, but Natsu wasn't sure that was necessarily good for him. He thought that it would probably be better if Gray just let it all out instead of trying to keep it locked up.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied his friend. Gray's face might be impassive, but his hands were clenched into fists so tightly that his knuckles were white. Apparently the others hadn't noticed that.

Natsu hummed thoughtfully. Gray's earlier melancholy wasn't something that could be fixed with a fight, but this grief was. Of course, Natsu would have to be extremely careful. A fight would give Gray something to take his grief out on and something to fight in place of the demon, but he was also in enough pain that he really needed a less tough love approach. Perhaps a combination of both would be best.

Natsu gently pushed Lucy and Happy away and turned to Gray. He'd have to play this carefully. He needed to say something bad enough to provoke a brawl and prompt Gray to grieve properly, but not something that crossed the line.

"Wow, ice block, I'd think you'd be more upset," Natsu sneered. "Don't you care at all?"

That was toeing the line right there, might even be pushing things a little too far, and forcing the words out made Natsu's chest tighten uncomfortably even though he knew that Gray would know he didn't really mean them.

"Natsu!" Lucy squawked, horrified.

Natsu ignored her. Instead he watched Gray closely, because he'd need to keep careful track of all of his friend's body language and nonverbal cues to make sure he didn't push him too far. Plus, he'd need to anticipate Gray's moves because a grief-induced fight was often the most vicious kind, even if it was also often the most short-lived.

Gray turned to Natsu, dropping his arm away from Erza in the process. His dark eyes flashed with pain and his face twisted into a furious snarl.

"Shut the hell up," he growled.

"Make me," Natsu taunted.

Even though he was already anticipating the strike, Gray's first attack was so fast and brutal that Natsu barely had time to lift an arm to defend himself. It all degenerated from there, and soon both mages were locked in a vicious battle, although neither of them turned to magic. Erza didn't try to intervene, so apparently she either thought that Natsu deserved to get knocked around a little or she remembered some of his treatise on fighting from earlier.

So Gray and Natsu fought uninterrupted. Neither of them spoke and no insults or taunts were thrown. They both knew the purpose of this fight, and neither was truly upset with the other. Well, Gray was upset, but Natsu suspected that he was more upset with himself and Deliora than with the dragon slayer. He might be taking it out on Natsu because Natsu had offered, but Gray would ultimately know that he wasn't the enemy here.

Still, Natsu garnered more than a few new bruises since Gray was fighting with a feverish intensity that lent itself to quick, vicious attacks. Natsu stayed mostly on the defensive, partly to try blocking all the attacks and partly because he was still a little distracted watching Gray's face to determine when his friend had had enough. But despite how closely he was watching, Natsu was still taken by surprise when something suddenly changed.

He had just swung a fist at Gray's face, but it was a straightforward attack and he expected his friend to block it easily. Sure enough, Gray moved his arm upward defensively, but then something suddenly flashed in his eyes and he let his arm drop again. Natsu's eyes widened and he tried to pull back his punch, but it already had too much momentum going.

His fist hit Gray hard in the face, sending him flying backwards.

"Oh shit!" Natsu cursed, immediately rushing to where Gray was sprawled on the ground. "You idiot! Why didn't you block it?"

Gray sat up and drew his knees to his chest, his movements jerky and slow. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he looked out at the city again, his eyes frighteningly empty.

"It's so goddamn cold," he breathed.

Natsu paused and blinked at him in surprise, not sure what to make of the unexpected response. Sure, there was a little bit of snow lying about and the air was a little chilly, but it was nowhere near cold enough to bother Gray. Natsu pursed his lips, recognizing that the assertion had nothing to do with the outside temperature, even though Gray was shivering and had begun rocking back and forth slightly.

Carefully settling himself on the ground next to his friend, Natsu quietly unwound his scarf and draped it around Gray's neck. Gray started in surprise and looked over at him with wide eyes.

"It's not–"

"I know it's not that kind of cold," Natsu interrupted quietly, his eyes lingering on his scarf before his hand dropped away. "But… I don't know. This is my last link to my family, and having it helps me remember. I feel the closest to Igneel when I'm aware of the scarf he gave me. I…I don't know. Maybe it can help you feel close to your family too."

Gray swallowed hard as his eyes filled with the tears he had been holding back, and he turned his gaze back on the ruined city. It was almost like he couldn't look away from it and let it go.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Thank you."

He tugged at the scarf to adjust it more comfortably and seemed to snuggle into it, leaving one hand wound tightly around its material. Happy crept over cautiously and hopped up to perch on his knees. Gray looked down and then hugged the little cat with his other arm. Lucy and Erza moved over quietly as well, and sat on Gray's other side. They all remained silent for a few seconds, until he finally spoke.

"Na…tsu…" he breathed finally, his voice cracking.

Natsu's eyes clouded over and he wrapped an arm around Gray's shoulders.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I'm here." He reached out and held his other hand in front of Gray's face to partially block his friend's view of the city. "You don't have to keep looking at it now."

Gray let out a shaky breath. "Yeah," he whispered. "I don't want to look at it anymore."

He twisted slightly and dropped his head a little so that he could hide his face against Natsu's shoulder. The dragon slayer tightened his grip on Gray a little, wincing as he felt his friend's silent tears seeping into his shirt. Gray's body was still trembling, not so much from the crying, but more a remnant of how he had been shivering earlier. Natsu still wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but maybe it wasn't all bad that Gray was finally starting to express his grief, even if it hurt to watch.

Happy nestled closer to Gray and glanced up to meet Natsu's eyes. Natsu patted the Exceed's head with his free hand, and looked over Gray's bowed head to see Lucy and Erza holding on to each other for comfort as they looked on in horrified sympathy. Natsu sighed softly and looked back down at Gray again.

"I'm sorry about what I said," he told his friend in a low voice.

Gray didn't look up but he chuckled, although it was more brittle than amused. "I'm not stupid," he murmured around his tears. "I know you didn't mean it."

Natsu hummed absently in agreement. He knew that, of course, but it had still been a terrible thing to say and he thought it deserved an apology anyway.

"It's funny," Gray said after a few minutes, his already quiet voice muffled slightly by Natsu's shirt. "When something bad happens to you, you always seem to play what-if games with the past, you know? Like, if I could go back in time, what could I do differently to change what happened?"

He let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. "And I…I used to do that too. I mean, it's pretty normal, right? You know, if I had the chance to go back and change something, I could do this and this and this differently, and my parents would still be alive or Ur would still be alive or whatever. Most people don't get the chance to actually do that, but I…I just did, and I threw it away."

He hugged Happy closer and managed to curl even further into Natsu. His voice wavered dangerously and he spoke haltingly, forced to break off every few words to work around his quiet crying. Natsu opened his mouth to protest, but Gray pressed on.

"I know–I know that's not really true," he whispered, his voice breaking. "This…this already happened, and we really couldn't have changed anything. It would have been–would have been stupid to try interfering with something that already happened. And the effects of trying to change the past are already kind of…uncertain. I don't know that it would have been possible to kill Deliora now even if we tried. And even if we could…too much would change and we don't know what might have happened.

"Logically, I know that. I know it's not true that I had a real opportunity to change things. But that doesn't really matter, does it? Because it still–it still _feels_ true, even if I know it's not. It feels like I could've gone down there and changed something. I wanted to…I really wanted to…but I didn't. I stopped you and I stopped myself, and now it feels like–like I could have done something. Thousands of people died here and I could have–I could have… I don't know.

"It's funny that I spent so much time thinking about how to change things, but now that I'm–now that I'm here, I actually chose to do nothing. I chose to watch them die."

Gray broke off, his body shaking in silent sobs, and Natsu's heart twisted painfully. Now that Gray had said something, Natsu could see why this part of the experience could be the most painful for him. This whole time he had been thinking that it was terrible for Gray to watch his family and home destroyed again, but he really should have seen this coming. He thought back to when his friend had stopped him from charging down to take on Deliora. It must have been so hard for Gray to stop Natsu from doing the very thing he himself desperately wanted to do.

And there really was nothing that Gray could have done, but now he felt like there might have been and he would blame himself for doing nothing. Natsu hadn't only made Gray relive one of his worst memories, but had also managed to make it even worse.

He wanted to tell Gray that none of this was his fault, wanted to make sure that Gray truly understood that he couldn't have done anything, but he knew it was pointless. Gray already knew that, and it wouldn't do him any good for Natsu to rehash it. Natsu had made a right mess of things, and he wasn't sure that there was a way to fix it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm really sorry."

Apparently Gray realized that Natsu wasn't just apologizing in that vague way people often did after being told something terribly tragic, because he shifted slightly, just enough to where he could leave his head resting against Natsu but could look up at his face. Natsu winced at the anguish in Gray's eyes and the tear stains streaking his cheeks.

"It's not your fault," the ice mage said quietly. "It's okay."

"It's not okay," Natsu disagreed. "You were right. I should have left the damn book alone."

Gray let out a shaky sigh. "I'm not mad at you," he mumbled.

Natsu looked away, his lips tightening. "I know you aren't, but maybe you should be."

"You don't get it," Gray whispered. "The book doesn't matter. I don't care about the book. It didn't change anything here in my past, and it doesn't change anything between us now either." His voice wavered dangerously. "You and Fairy Tail are ultimately more important than anything that happened with the stupid book. So I don't–I don't care about what you did and I'm not–I'm not mad, because…because it's enough that you're here."

He twisted to hide his face in Natsu's shirt again as his body began shaking once more. "Just don't–don't leave. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he breathed, his voice thick with tears.

Natsu didn't know what exactly Gray was apologizing for, didn't know if the apology was actually meant for him or for the family Gray felt like he had abandoned, but it hurt to hear. Gray shouldn't be apologizing. He shouldn't have anything to be sorry for. But it wasn't like Natsu could really do anything about it, so he just tightened his grip on Gray and tried to hold back the tears that his friend's words had threatened to release.

"I'm not gonna leave," Natsu murmured. He glanced down at Happy curled up with Gray and then over at where Erza and Lucy were huddled together with almost identical heartbroken expressions. "None of us are going anywhere."

The others made quiet noises of agreement and offered a few words of comfort, but they didn't really know what to say and Gray didn't seem to want to respond anyway, so they lapsed back into silence. Gray continued crying quietly for a few minutes, but then let out his breath in a heavy sigh as the tension slowly drained out of his body. Apparently he had finally cried himself out, because the tears had stopped. He was calming down into a state of heavy lethargy, and eventually turned his head away slightly so that part of his face was visible. His eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed and evened out, but Natsu could tell that he wasn't actually asleep. He supposed that Gray was just waiting and didn't particularly want to talk right now.

But apparently the others didn't realize that his closed eyes and even breathing didn't actually signal that Gray was asleep, because they started up a quiet conversation.

"That was really terrible," Lucy said softly, rubbing vigorously at her eyes.

"Yeah," Erza agreed in a low voice, grimacing out at the ruined city. "I mean, I knew it must have been bad, but…"

"It's different actually seeing it," Lucy agreed.

Natsu gave them a pointed look and coughed meaningfully so that they'd maybe get a clue, but they were too distracted talking.

"And on his birthday too…" Erza trailed off, her eyes glassy and unfocused. "I've known him for years and I never…I never even suspected."

"I can't imagine that he always feels like celebrating," Lucy whispered, "but he always acts happy enough, you know? And we always throw a party and have a good time, and all the while he's…"

Erza sighed heavily. "And now his birthday is coming up again in a few days. Now that we know about this… What are we supposed to do?"

Lucy opened her mouth, but someone else beat her to the reply.

"Don't change anything," Gray said tiredly. His eyes remained closed and he didn't move, but he replied even though he seemed drained and worn-out. "I'd prefer it if things stayed as normal as possible."

Erza and Lucy actually jumped in surprise, and looked over at Gray with startled eyes.

"G–Gray?" Lucy stuttered, her face flushing. "I didn't realize you were awake."

Natsu sighed and shook his head slightly.

"But surely there must be something–" Erza started.

"I was telling the truth earlier," Gray interrupted, still not moving. "It's enough just to have you all around. I don't always feel like celebrating, but I like seeing everyone having a good time. I like the reminder that you're still here and that you're happy."

"But still," Happy protested, wriggling a little to peer up at Gray, "there must be something we can do to help. Something more than just–"

Gray finally opened his eyes and looked down at the little cat. "Just the fish, Happy," he whispered, his voice quivering as his eyes filled with tears again. He hugged the Exceed tighter and bowed his head so that his hair fell in his eyes. "I just want the fish."

It suddenly occurred to Natsu that Gray really _had_ been telling the truth, even back at the guild. Natsu had thought that Gray was just saying he liked the fish so that he didn't hurt Happy's feelings—because really, getting a fish every birthday wasn't exactly the kind of gift most people would get excited about—but now he realized that Gray hadn't been lying at all. It wasn't so much the fish themselves that Gray liked, but the fact that they were a heartfelt gift from his friend. He just needed to know that he wasn't alone and that his friends were still here, and he appreciated everything they did for him, no matter how small it seemed.

It was honestly a rather humbling revelation.

"Alright," Erza said quietly. "We'll try to keep things the same if that's really what you want. But if you change your mind then you can tell us and we'll figure something else out."

"I'll catch you lots of fish," Happy added, sniffling loudly.

Gray let out a choked laugh. "You do that," he whispered to the Exceed. "We can have a whole big fish fry, yeah? And I'll even leave yours raw for you."

Happy laughed shakily and snuggled closer to Gray. "Okay," he agreed. "Sounds like a plan."

Gray hummed quietly in agreement and stayed silent for a couple more seconds, before letting out his breath in a long sigh and pulling away from Natsu. The dragon slayer removed his arm from Gray's shoulders, but watched him carefully. Gray swiped one hand across his face to remove any lingering traces of tears, and Natsu noted that he was far more collected and composed than he had been up until now. Gray didn't look like he was about to break down in tears again, but he also didn't look like he had before, when he had been acting calm but was barely holding himself together. He was still sad and tired, but there was also an air of quiet determination and poise hanging around him now.

He slowly pulled himself to his feet, keeping an arm wrapped around Happy so that the Exceed didn't tumble to the ground. Natsu hurriedly scrambled to his feet as well, watching as Gray carefully released Happy so that the little cat could hover in the air beside him. Erza and Lucy rose as well, studying Gray cautiously to see what kind of mood he was in now.

He looked out at the smoldering ruins of the city again for a few long seconds, and then nodded to himself. Natsu was a little surprised at how unruffled and almost serene he was. Maybe he had managed to start coming to terms with what had happened here.

"I don't suppose anyone knows how long we've been here for?" Gray asked conversationally, no hint of tears in his voice.

Erza and Lucy exchanged looks.

"I really don't know," Erza admitted.

"It's almost over," Lucy said. "We've got about twenty more minutes."

"How do you know?" Natsu asked with a puzzled frown.

He honestly had no idea how long they had been here. It felt like it had been much too long—an eternity. And it wasn't like there was a convenient clock lying around to say any different.

"Horologium," Lucy replied with a slight shrug.

Gray smiled at her faintly. "Clever," he said. "Good job, Luce."

The blonde blushed a little and rubbed at her face in embarrassment. "Yeah…"

But Gray's sudden composure didn't last for long. It was shattered as soon as a new voice came from behind them.

"Did you see what happened here?"

Natsu and the others spun around, startled. There was a woman standing behind them and a small, white-haired boy was studying them from by her side. Natsu's eyes narrowed slightly as he recognized the child as a younger version of Lyon. Then this woman must be…

Gray sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. Natsu bit his lip and watched Gray's poise crumble to pieces.

No one responded at first. Everyone recognized that Gray was the one who should be handling this, and they didn't dare interfere. To be honest, running into Ur and Lyon at all was a stroke of bad luck, and the only thing Gray could do now was try to make this encounter as unmemorable as possible and make sure that it didn't change how things had ultimately turned out.

When Gray and the others didn't reply immediately, Ur frowned at them a little, a hint of wariness entering her eyes. "There's been a demon running around here for the past few weeks. I suppose that this is its work?" she asked conversationally.

Lyon eyed the group up and down and then scowled in an unfriendly fashion, obviously not comfortable with this mute group of oddball strangers.

"Yeah," Gray said finally, his voice hoarse. "It was Deliora."

One of Ur's eyebrows inched upwards and she studied Gray with new interest, apparently reading something in his eyes. "You know of the demon? Well, everyone around here knows of it, I suppose, but you look like it means something to you."

Gray's lips tightened. "Yes," he agreed. "We've met."

"And survived?" Ur asked slowly, a flicker of respect and sympathy lighting her eyes.

Gray winced, and Natsu had a bad feeling that he was thinking of the reasons why he had survived each encounter with the demon.

"For better or for worse," he muttered. It was Natsu's turn to wince, but Gray pressed on, his voice wavering only slightly. "We were too late. We couldn't do anything here."

Ur seemed to take that to mean that they had arrived after the demon had already left, which was doubtless how Gray had intended for her to interpret it. His statement had a completely different meaning for Natsu and the other Fairy Tail mages, but it wasn't like they could be honest with the Ur and Lyon from the past.

"Have you looked for survivors yet?" Ur asked, her gaze sweeping over the ruined city. "It looks pretty bad, but someone might have survived."

Natsu waited for Gray to respond, before noticing his friend's suddenly stricken expression. Natsu didn't know what was so bad about that question in particular, but Gray's face drained of color and he stared at Ur soundlessly, his pained eyes locked on her face. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Ur shifted uncomfortably at the strange response. "Are you alright?" she asked cautiously.

Gray tried to say something, but couldn't manage to choke anything out.

"He's weird," Lyon grumbled, tugging at Ur's sleeve. "They're all weird. We should just go."

Charming kid.

"Gra–" Natsu started, before wincing and breaking off. It probably wasn't a good idea to use Gray's name in front of people who would be meeting him soon.

But at least it seemed to finally snap Gray out of his horrified daze, and he glanced at Natsu. Then he closed his eyes for a brief second and let out a shaky breath.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm alright."

He turned back to Ur and opened his mouth again, but hesitated for an instant longer. A torn, indecisive look clouded his face, but then he seemed to finally come to a decision.

"No," he told her finally. He pointed to a spot in the center of the city and made a sweeping motion out to the side. The gesture encompassed the right half of the city, starting near the spot where his younger self was trapped under the rubble. "If you–if you search that side, we can search the other half."

Ur eyed him uncertainly but then nodded. "Alright," she agreed guardedly. "We can do that. Good luck to you." Nodding to them, she turned away and motioned to the boy at her side as she slowly started down the hill towards the city. "Come on, Lyon."

Lyon gave the Fairy Tail mages one last mistrustful look and followed her, mumbling something about crazy psychos under his breath. Gray watched them go, his eyes clouded with anguish.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed. "Forgive me."

Ur glanced back for a second, although Natsu wasn't sure if she had actually heard Gray since he had spoken so quietly. Gray turned and slowly started walking in the opposite direction—he had said that they would search the other half of the city, after all—with an almost stunned look on his face.

"My God," he said. "I just killed her."

Natsu let out his breath in a hiss and moved to walk by Gray's side, the others following as well, each wearing a pained expression.

"You didn't," Natsu disagreed.

He wasn't sure if Gray really heard him, since his friend's gaze seemed to be focused inwards.

"I always wondered how she managed to just stumble across me like that," Gray muttered, half to himself. "The city was so big and the damage so extensive, and finding one lone survivor in all of that…" He shook his head fitfully. "We can't change anything."

Natsu frowned at that last bit, but then his eyes widened as he put the pieces together. The reason Gray had been so upset by Ur's last question, the reason he had seemed so torn…

"You wanted to tell her that we already searched for survivors and didn't find any?" he asked in horror.

"Or to search the other half of the city," Gray agreed absently, staring blankly at the ground by his feet. "God, I wanted to, but we can't change anything."

That last phrase seemed to have turned into a mantra of sorts for Gray to hold on to, and he held on to it as tightly as he could as his world crumbled to pieces around him.

"But if you had told her that…" Erza started, looking sick.

If Gray had told Ur that, Ur would never have found Gray. Maybe that would have saved her from her later death, but it would have also left Gray alone and trapped under a building, where he probably would have died. That Gray had seriously entertained the possibility of trying to set that chain of events into motion was deeply disturbing.

"She and Lyon probably won't even remember meeting us," Gray murmured. "We'll just be an insignificant footnote to their memory of this event, a weird group of strangers to be quickly forgotten because of how profoundly unimportant this encounter was. And yet, it's more important than they'll ever know, isn't it? Because I just–I just–"

"You didn't kill her," Erza said, grief making her voice harsh. "Not then and not now. She made her own choices."

Gray stopped in his tracks and swung his head around to look at his friends, his dark eyes swimming with unshed tears.

"I know that," he whispered, his voice breaking. "But it still _feels_ like I killed her. I know that I needed to keep everything as close to what originally happened as possible, that I couldn't have made it so that she didn't find me, except… Except I could have made sure that she never ran across me, for better or for worse. I could have–could have–"

He broke off for a second, his voice wavering too much to continue. His body had started trembling again as well, and although most of his tears remained shimmering in his eyes, a few stray ones slipped free despite his best efforts.

"This already happened and I can't change that. Maybe I didn't kill her, but I didn't save her either. It feels like I just sent her off to her death. It feels like–it feels like… Oh God, I couldn't even do anything. I couldn't–I couldn't–"

He was breaking down again as his thoughts seemed to short-circuit and fixate on this new guilt. Natsu didn't want to see that happen again. He wanted to stop it, but he knew for sure that a fight wouldn't do the trick this time.

Instead, Natsu grabbed one of Gray's hands and moved it to the scarf still wound around his neck, gently forcing his fingers to close around it. Gray glanced down in surprise, apparently startled to find the scarf still there. He looked at Natsu and his features melted into a vaguely puzzled expression.

Natsu gazed back sadly. "They were your family too, weren't they? Ur and Lyon?"

Gray stared at him blankly for a moment and then let out his breath slowly, his fingers tightening around the scarf of their own accord. Natsu dropped his hand away.

"Yeah," Gray replied wistfully. "They are."

He closed his eyes for a long minute and took several deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again, he had calmed down a great deal and his trembling had stopped. Tangling his hand further in the scarf, he seemed to relax, the tension draining out of his body even though all the sadness was still there.

"Alright," he said. "Let's keep going."

He left one hand clutching Natsu's scarf and started walking again, meandering lazily down the hillside and then around the edges of the burning city. The others followed quietly, counting down the minutes until the magic ran out. Natsu wasn't a terribly good judge of time, but he knew that it was a few minutes before Gray paused again.

Carefully unwinding the scarf from his neck, he handed it back to Natsu. The dragon slayer hesitated before taking it, searching Gray's face uncertainly. Gray shrugged slightly.

"I don't need it anymore," he said quietly, by way of an answer. "You guys—and all the rest of Fairy Tail—are my family too, and I don't need a memento to remember you by because you're still here. You're still here and I wouldn't–I wouldn't change that for anything, no matter what else happened. I really wouldn't. You're enough for me."

Natsu swallowed hard and wrapped his scarf around his neck again, relaxing as he felt its familiar weight once more. The others were blinking back tears as well, but Gray just smiled tiredly. It wasn't a happy smile, but it was an odd mixture of resignation and determination, and Natsu knew that Gray meant every word that he had said.

"It's–it's time," Lucy said, clearing her throat in an effort to get rid of the lump that must be there. "We've got one minute."

Erza exhaled shakily and surreptitiously swiped at her eyes. "We all need to be touching Gray when the magic hits," she reminded them. "We don't want anyone to get left behind here."

The others nodded but hesitated. Then Erza bit her lip and stepped forward to throw her arms around Gray, burying her face in his chest. He made a startled sound in the back of his throat, but hesitantly wrapped his arms around her as well. Lucy picked up on what was going on and moved to Gray's left side, where she proceeded to hug him as well. Happy joined in the group hug too, nestling in with Lucy and wrapping his arms around Gray as far as his stubby little paws would allow.

Gray sighed quietly but didn't protest. Natsu was standing on the ice mage's other side, but he hesitated for a moment longer. Gray turned his head and met his eyes. He unwrapped one arm from Erza, leaving the other in place, and wordlessly held his hand out to Natsu, who stared at the outstretched hand for a few long seconds. Gray was offering him a way to be touching him without having to join in on the weird hugging thing that was going on here, since hugging had never exactly been their thing.

Natsu stepped forward and reached out to take Gray's hand, but then changed his mind at the last second. Instead, he moved right up to Gray and hugged his friend as well. After all, they really _were_ a family, weren't they?

Gray let his head drop forward the last few centimeters so that it could rest against Natsu's chest again. His eyes closed, and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I really do love you guys," he murmured.

Natsu tightened his grip on his friend, and suspected that the others did as well.

"Silly fool…" he breathed fondly.

The magic started swirling around them, tugging them back to the present, but not before Natsu and the others all managed to get out the last words.

"…We love you too."

* * *

Ur watched as Gray disappeared into the swirling snowstorm, her hands clenching helplessly into fists as his last bitter words rang in her ears. Did he really think that he could kill Deliora with what little magic he had already learned? Was the stupid boy trying to kill himself?

"He's so stupid," Lyon whispered from beside her, his voice laced with fear rather than the irritation and anger from earlier. Ur looked over at him to see that he was trembling slightly, his eyes wide with poorly concealed panic as he stared at the spot where Gray had disappeared into the night. He looked up at Ur, a hint of pleading entering his eyes. "Are we really going to let him go?" he asked shakily.

Ur clutched on to the doorframe with one hand and returned her gaze to the nighttime storm, ignoring the wind and snow whipping around her. She had said that she would expel Gray if he left, but who was she kidding? She couldn't just watch him walk away.

But something gave her pause. Something about the look in his eyes when he had stared at her with so much bitterness and pain just before he had turned away… She almost recognized it. She doubted that Lyon remembered much of their encounter with the strange group of people just before they had found Gray in the ruins of his home, but even though Lyon had been able to dismiss it and put it out of his mind, Ur hadn't. Maybe she could have, except that as she had been walking away, she had heard the man who had been speaking to her whisper a heartbroken apology.

 _"I'm so sorry. Forgive me."_

It had seemed strange and incomprehensible—what reason would a stranger have for apologizing to her?—but it had piqued her curiosity enough that she had eavesdropped on as much of the strangers' conversation as she could while she walked away. She hadn't heard all of it and the pieces she had overheard hadn't made much sense, but looking back on what had happened all those months ago, she had come up with an unbelievable theory.

 _"Gra–"_

That man had looked so much like Gray, if older. His pink-haired friend had started calling him by his name and then broken off, but looking back, it had sounded an awful lot like the beginning of 'Gray'. But what had really caught her attention were his eyes. She hadn't known until later, of course, but he had Gray's eyes. They weren't exactly the same, but she could recognize the spark and that sharp edge of pain and grief that she always saw looking back at her when she looked in Gray's face. The bitter anger and drive for revenge hadn't been there, but the rest of it had been almost the same.

 _"I always wondered how she managed to just stumble across me like that."_

She probably would have never connected that whole event, that person, to Gray except for the unusual timing. The timing itself was interesting, as well as the fact that the man who looked like Gray had basically pointed her straight towards the lone survivor of the massacre. And who else had she stumbled across except for Gray?

 _"My God, I just killed her."_

But what had really gotten to her was that as he was first walking away, he had said, 'My God, I just killed her.' It seemed so unbelievable, but… Some small part of her believed that really had been Gray, judging by what she knew now. She had never been a big believer in time travel, although she supposed that with the right magic anything was possible.

 _"We can't change anything."_

Was it possible that had been a Gray from the future who had been able to watch the past but couldn't change it? She didn't really know and it was quite possible that she was making up conspiracy theories and going insane, but it gave her a fragile hope that Gray would survive this latest stupid decision of his—survive to grow up into a fine young man with many dear friends to support him.

 _"For better or for worse."_

Until now she hadn't found an event that could tie together all those pieces she had overheard, but this… Not all of their conversation was still clear in her mind, but she remembered asking him if he knew Deliora. He had said that they had 'met', and had looked so anguished when she commented that he had been lucky to have survived.

She narrowed her eyes against the wind. Deliora, huh?

Maybe she was going crazy, but she had a feeling, deep down in her bones, that she would die if she went after Gray right now. But really, what did that matter? Gray and Lyon were precious to her and made her happy, and had helped heal her heart after her daughter's death. They weren't replacements for Ultear, but they were still her children. She couldn't wait around for one of them to die.

She had a feeling that Gray would be alright. He'd grow up right and find friends to help him through the aftermath. He'd feel guilt, but he'd work past it eventually. She wished that he wouldn't blame himself, but… Still better alive than dead. She couldn't say what would happen to Lyon, but she trusted that he would be alright. Maybe he and Gray would come together and support each other if she died. She hoped so.

This was probably the stupidest idea she had ever had. It was probably just a product of her paranoid mind. Those people from back then were probably just some weird strangers, and their conversation was probably perfectly normal and she had just taken it out of context. Even entertaining this idea was probably stupid. She had every chance of saving Gray and living through it. And yet…

Ur turned back to Lyon and stared at him for a second, before bending down to wrap his small body in a tight hug. He squeaked in surprise and tried to wriggle away, but she held on for a moment longer, savoring the contact.

"No," she said, determination hardening her voice. "No, we aren't. Let's go get Gray."

She straightened up, her eyes flashing with resolve. Her boys would definitely be alright.

Ur had made her choice. She was going to seal Gray's darkness, no matter the cost.

* * *

 **Note: I could have ended it on the cheesy group hug, but _nooo_... I am heartless. And yeah, the timeline with Deliora destroying the city to Ur and Lyon arriving might be a little wonky. I only had six hours to work with.**

 **You may have guessed that the title is a subtle-not-so-subtle nod to the butterfly effect, given that the story is about time travel. You would be correct. The original idea was that it would be a more passive reference because it's almost the opposite of the butterfly effect (the butterfly effect is when time travel ends up changing something in the past that changes something in the future, but the point of this story was originally that Gray and co. could only watch and not change anything), but then the bit with Ur kinda screwed that up a little. But yeah, that's where the title came from.**

 **emmahoshi: Lol, Happy makes me laugh. He's such a dork sometimes. Yeah, the OVA was actually humor, but with a premise like "travel back to a time you don't want to remember", how could I not see the angst potential in that? XD Yeah, I feel like Gray was kind of in a weird place here, even aside from just trying to keep it together. I mean, how are you really supposed to react to something like that? To be fair, I've done a few cheesy/positive-note endings :3 They're basically either positive or angsty, or sometimes bittersweet. Not a lot of middle ground, ha ha. I came up with the bit with Ur fairly early on so it wasn't like I just tacked it on at the last minute—it just didn't turn out the way it did in my head, so I almost left it out entirely.**


End file.
